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SUMMER 2021
Connection
JUSTICE
PRESBYTERIAN
15
 Having Difficult Conversations
 By Dr. Allyson Carr, Associate Secretary, Justice Ministries
Faith touches on every aspect of life. And the Bible and Christian theology is concerned with creation, geogra- phy, politics, sex, race, money, pow- er, health, birth and death, the work we do and how we do it. These are all complex matters. One of the guar- antees of having discussions in the church is that there will be difficult conversations, and trying to learn how to get better at being in them is impor tant.
About a year ago, I was participat- ing in a conversation about racism with people from a variety of racial backgrounds and church denomina- tions. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew we came from very different life and religious experiences. I knew everyone was likely feeling tense. Derek Chauvin had just been charged with George Floyd’s murder and the Black Lives Matter movement was coming into sharp social focus again. Protests were erupting in the US and in Canada. There was anger, grief, and pain. I kept thinking, “we are called to love our neighbour... but what does that mean in this situa- tion? How should I love, what should I say?” And as I sat there trying to think of what to say, someone in the group asked us all to first answer the question, “Given everything going
on... what are you feeling in your soul?”
I remember that question striking me with something like fear. What the question was asking wasn’t just a surface-level check-in (“how are you doing?”) before we got started, nor was it asking my opinion. It was asking me to be vulnerable. More importantly, it was asking me to hold space for other people to be vulner- able. It involved emotional risk on the part of everyone who answered. It in- volved the responsibility to let people talk and to bear witness to their pain, anger, and other emotions—because how the different people in that vir- tual room were feeling in their soul, in their deepest parts, often drew on years of particular pain—or, for some of us, years of not seeing oth- ers’ particular pain.
Being vulnerable requires different things from each of us based on our lived experiences, the things that in- form and shape how we go through the daily basic tasks of living. To have a good conversation about a diffi- cult, emotionally charged topic (like racism), there needs to be respect shown to the vulnerability that hon- estly answers a question like “What are you feeling in your soul?”—and part of that respect is purposefully listening to those with lived experi- ence about the thing we’re talking about. In the instance of racism,
people of colour are those with lived experience. Their stories and voices should be weighted more strongly than those in the conversation who (like me) are white.
In difficult conversations, not eve- ryone’s voice and not everyone’s story should have the same weight. The first time I understood this was in a conversation about sexual harass- ment (another one of those difficult conversation topics). The conver- sation unfolded because a friend’s young teenage daughter had been cat-called by a man on her way to school. Four of us—three women and one man—were talking about the incident. And while all of us agreed it was wrong and were disgusted with the stranger who had done this, one of us thought it was a rarity, just a “bad apple.” The other three (all of us women) were quick to respond that just wasn’t true.
At first the man in the group was shocked as we told him story after story of different times this had hap- pened to each of us, and how quickly some of the incidents had esca- lated well beyond words. We spoke
about how these repeated instances shaped our self-perception and daily details of our lives; when and where we walked, whether we go out alone even during the day, whether we con- sidered ourselves basically “safe” in spaces like schools or workplaces. To his credit, he listened. I saw the moment he realized that we had sys- temically different experiences than he did, and there were simply some things he had trouble seeing or un- derstanding, because he hadn’t been forced to live those experiences every day—so he just hadn’t noticed them. He acknowledged and respected our experience as a source of authority to speak from. He asked respectful questions, and he learned from it. He learned from us. I learned too: from the fact that he was willing to listen and have his mind changed, I learned that he really did care—and I learned how to act when I’m not the one with the lived experience.
When we weight conversations such that the people in them who have those lived experiences can speak about them and be heard, when we give authoritative weight
where it should be, a conversation has more room to create under- standing that appropriately shapes our social bonds—in church or out- side. Such understanding is what is sometimes in Scripture called agape, which could be understood as “the kind of love that holds community/ family together.”
As I sat in that conversation about racism, I thought of my friend and the example he set. Now when I en- ter a difficult conversation, I consider carefully how much weight my voice should have—because the truth is, there are times it shouldn’t have much. It is important that we show respect to the other people in the conversation and consider what that respect could look like. I’ve come to understand that sometimes the love and respect we’re called to looks like being vulnerable and telling your sto- ry—but other times, love looks like listening and learning when people have different experiences than me, whether they make sense to me in the moment or not. Because maybe I just haven’t had the experience to see it yet.
  Contribute to Global Vaccine Equity
 By Katharine Sisk, Program Coordinator, Justice Ministries
By now, most of us will know at least a few people who have been vaccinated, or we may have re- ceived a dose ourselves. There is relief in knowing our loved ones are protected even as there continues to be anxiety for those who remain vulnerable.
In some parts of the world, vac- cinations are difficult, if impossible, to access. Your actions can make a
difference. Love My Neighbour is a Canadian campaign advocating for equity in vaccination accessibility.
How can you get involved? You can raise your voice and encour- age the Government of Canada to provide strong and timely suppor t to COVAX (the global initiative to provide funding for vaccines to low- and middle-income countries) and to support the temporary waiving of TRIPS (Agreement on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Proper ty Rights) at the World Trade Organiza-
tion to allow for increased produc- tion of COVID-19 vaccines in multi- ple countries.
You can encourage the Canadian government to support local and community-based health organiza- tions. You can donate to the Love My Neighbour project in suppor t of vaccinations for vulnerable popula- tions around the world.
We can all play a part that will open pathways to global vaccine equity. Visit lovemyneighbourproject. org to get involved.






































































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