Page 25 - pc_Issue6_Summer2018

Connection
REFLECTIONS
Finding My Home
presbyterian.ca
SUMMER 2018
PRESBYTERIAN
25
By Patricia Schneider, elder at Forbes Presbyterian Church, Grande Prairie, AB
It seems every day I am having more insights into the ways this new ad- venture of moving into a retirement home is impacting on my life. You’d think you’d just walk in, get your room and suddenly all would be well.
Mostly, it is, but health problems do persist, probably because of anx- iety that you do not really recognize. Your mind and body can only handle so much.
Today, I went to church. It has been the focus of most of my life. My earliest memories of myself are of singing in the children’s church
choir. And oh, how I loved to sing— and sing I did—and I kept singing right through my life until finally I could no longer night drive to re- hearsals and my hearing was begin- ning to fail. I still mourn the fact that Sunday mornings I am not up front with the hymnbook in my hand.
I am often feeling a bit lost. My old house is not really my home and my small room with its delightful view, tiny bed, computer and TV are more than enough to fill my days, but it will take longer to adapt to than I had realized at first... It still seems a little unnatural.
But today, I walked into the church—the same church I have attended for a very long time. The
church where I had helped choose the paint colours for the sanctu- ary. The church whose pews I had dusted many times. The church that help us celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary by renewing our wedding vows; and the church four years later that joined together with me to say our goodbyes to my husband. Yes, the memories came flooding back as I walked through the door and then it hit me... THIS
is my home! Everything else I have ever occupied has been a residence. This is my home!
So, a new page has been turned in this book about my life. It is easier now to accept that whatever change takes place during my stay here, I will always have a permanent home at the church; maybe not physically but my thoughts and memories will have a lifelong association with those wonder ful people who have
shaped my life in so many ways. And another thing I have noticed is that, in small ways, I have been reaching out to others and they have been reaching back. I see someone having difficulty walking and ask if they need an arm to help them... They reply negatively or positive- ly but there is an opportunity to share, and most people here love to share... They are a bit lonely, yet have lived such amazing lives that I feel really privileged to hear their
memories.
Even the staff is a storehouse
of stories. They don’t share much about their personal lives, but their warm hugs and sweet smiles tell you that they are full of love. Yes, there are the not-so-friendly ones but 99.9% of them are really love- able.
So yes, another building block to this journey has been recognized. It will be impossible to make my room into much more than a sanctuary to rest in... It’s a good place, yes, but they say “home is where your heart is” and I guess mine will always be at my church!
dicts. Two Indigenous youth that died at the hands of violence. The verdicts came out: not guilty. I felt a true sense of loss. A loss of justice? A numbness came over me as I tried to process the words. Not guilty. No im- mediate anger. I shed silent tears as I walked along the riverbank. Where they found Tina. There were other grassroots Indigenous people were sharing similar emotions. We let Tina and Colton down. Their voices were our voices.
I’m finding out there are many ways to grieve. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. One can grieve over a loved one or a commu- nity event that is close to your heart. I am learning not to follow the rule book of how to grieve, but to allow myself to weep and heal. Doesn’t a river forge its own path down a mountain?
Grief and its Many Paths
By Vivian Ketchum, originating
from Wauzhushk Onigum Nation of Northern Ontario and now a member of Place of Hope Presbyterian Church, Winnipeg, MB
I thought I knew what grief was all about when my son passed away several years ago. I’ve even been through the grieving process when I lost close family members. Grief was a familiar face at my doorstep. I thought I knew the grieving pro- cess and how to work through it. The numbness, the anger and finally the simple acceptance of it all.
Then I got word that my ex-partner and the father of my children passed away suddenly. I felt lost. Empty. A part of me gone. We had known each other for 30 years or so. He was my first love and I referred to him as my life partner even though we were not
living together. We shared a history. We shared the loss of our child. A dif- ficult journey for both of us. Now my life partner was gone.
My first reaction was anger. He
wasn’t supposed to leave me. Then I felt confused because we were not living together and did I have a right to be grieving so strongly for this man? I was not a widow or a girl-
friend. My feelings were telling me I did have a right to be grieving that way, but would his family and friends share that sentiment? My ex’s fam- ily were the ones that told me of his passing and were supportive of me in my grief.
Losing a life partner that you shared special moments with twisted the grieving process for me. It was anger that I felt at first and very lit- tle of the numbness. This wasn’t the grieving process that I was ac- customed to or had read about in books. I struggled to work through the emotions. Put away the book of knowledge and tried to find my way through this new type of grieving. A widow’s grief.
Then there was the community type of grieving. I watched the media come out with the result of Tina Fon- taine and Colten Bushie court ver-
A Moment of Truth
Mission Trip
May 6-17, 2019
Visit Palestine/Israel with Noel and Dorcas Gordon to see biblical sites, worship with Palestinian Christians and learn about peace building.
For more details visit presbyterian.ca/missiontrips
Healing and
Reconciliation
June 15-26, 2019
Continue the journey by joining David Philips to visit PCC Indigenous ministries and historic and cultural sites in Kenora, Winnipeg, Saskatoon and Mistawasis.